HOW TO AVOID A YORUBA DEMON

Posted Tuesday, 12 March 2019

A Yoruba demon is not necessarily of the Yoruba tribe. Although the term originated from them, it has evolved to be a general term used to describe men who are not in search of something serious with you but pretend to be, in a bid to waste your time and have some fun.

How can you avoid a Yoruba demon in 2019? The first step to avoiding one is to identify one. Here are 5 ways to recognize a Yoruba demon from miles away and guard yourself against these heartbreakers and time wasters.

1. Identify their uniform: Back then, it was clearly the white agbada or the black agbada for demons above 40 years. These days, they have restrategised and rebranded, thereby changing the popular uniform to make it harder to spot them. They seem to have gone to the chameleon for a few lessons. Luckily, the chameleon is a friend of ours. A likely way to spot them would be the beard. The term Yoruba demon has subtly added to its synonym ‘beard gang’. The competition for who has the longest and fullest beard is an intense one among the demons. To avoid any story for the gods, once you sight a bearded fellow, my sister, just pack your shoes in your hand and run in the other direction.

2. Identify their diction: A Yoruba demon’s main power is their ability to make you believe that you are the one for him. In order to pull this off, they involve friends and family who join the demonic process by referring to you as ‘our wife’. The friends will hail you as ‘our wife’ which may cause your legs to drift into the kitchen to display your culinary skills like you’re on an episode of Chopped. Meanwhile, they will yimu you as you are stirring that pot with all your energy. To avoid this, even if their ancestors and forefathers call you their wife, just steadily maintain your lane and do not perform said wife duties. A wife has a ring on her hand.

3. Identify their location: Their preferred hunting ground is wedding receptions. They come in looking fresh to death, stare at you from afar without approaching you until you begin to question if you are the toastee or the toaster. They will sharply ask for your number after performing a nice deed. No time for extra talking as they have more souls to devour before the deejay shuts down. To avoid this, just face front at any wedding reception. Know what you came for. Greet the couple and return swiftly to your seat avoiding all eye contact along the way.

4. Identify character actions: They also are notorious name droppers. For example, ‘Last week, I was on Otedola’s yacht and omo, if you see the way Dangote was eating the suya I brought, like damn, that guy loved it.’ Gbam! They have given you a thought for the road. Once you hear the first name dropped, don’t wait for the second one. Just moonwalk back to your base.

5. Identify first date suggestions: Their preferred location for first dates can sometimes border on dodgy. They are swift to suggest, ‘Let’s go hang or chill at my place’. Ask them what is going on at their place. Is it a party or is their home a restaurant? Watch them respond with, ‘I promise nothing will happen’, ‘I won’t touch you’ and similar phrases to persuade you into letting your guard down. This is when you should raise your guard even higher. It can never be high enough. Keep your head, heels, and standards high.

So the guy you’ve been chatting with for a while now, does he fit any of the descriptions above? My sister, you know what to do. 

 

Written by
Didi Warmate, Certified Dating Coach, Lagos Matchmaker
@lagosmatchmaker

 

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