This Valentine's, get your partner a sex toy...

Posted Wednesday, 04 February 2015

I get asked all sorts of questions as the owner of a small business that caters to the provision of adult novelty toys for people in intimate relationships here in Lagos. Adult novelty toys can be an exciting way to add some zing to your sexual life, whether using them by yourself or with others.

However, there are several misconceptions that adult novelty toys are only used by people who choose to remain abstinent, do not currently have sexual partners, or by those in alternative lifestyles.

More often than not, the questions centre around: ‘Isn’t it sinful selling adult novelty toys?’; ‘Aren’t you encouraging bad behaviour?’; ‘People say you can get addicted to these things, is this true?’ The myths and rumours are endless. The truth is that people of all persuasions use adult novelty toys. Some choose to use them when they are alone, on their sexual partners, or on themselves while partners are present.

Let me begin by first of all addressing why it is fun to engage with adult novelty toys if you both choose to. The reality is that adult novelty toys can range from objects that tickle such as hand-held feather ticklers to those that vibrate, to various products that are inserted into the vagina or anal passage. There are many adult novelty toys that are meant to be used more gently, while others are used for sexual acts involving dominance and submission (BDSM) such as restraints, blindfolds, and whips. I am always amazed at how shocked people are when they learn that there is a thriving BDSM community in Lagos, Abuja and in other major cities of Nigeria. Many of these individuals have often never left the shores of Nigeria. Some examples of adult novelties are vibrators, feathers, dildos, harnesses, butt plugs, cock rings, and anal beads.

Our cultural reality and expectations of relationships means that it’s often hard to communicate our sexual desires to our partners effectively.  Especially for men and women who just want to bring something into the relationship or try something new. Some of my customers may feel threatened by the thought of having adult novelty toys added to their sexual life or they have stereotypes about who uses these toys. More often than not, the stereotypes are enough to ensure rigid compliance from both men and women as no one will want to be labelled as “loose”. The reality is very simple, there is no specific prescription for the kind of person or age of the person who uses or engages with adult novelty toys. We have served all sorts of people from 70 year olds going on a special honeymoon before death comes calling to the newlyweds looking to add that extra zing before the birth of their first child. 

Adult novelties, if part of a loving and committed relationship can assist slow burning women to reach newfound orgasmic heights. You ask, how? For those who have never experienced an orgasm before it is important to start small. For example, a vibrating bullet would stimulate and massage the clitoral area enough for partners to take over. Especially as many woman will have vaginal orgasms through stimulation of the clitoral area. This is where the two can role play as Dr and sick patient. Need I say more? Imagination is the key here. A willingness to try something different and to listen to each other’s needs is what will make this work. Once your bedroom doors are closed, there’s no one else there but you and your partner. So no need to worry too much about your image or our perception of your image.

If you do decide to try it, one thing is clear, you will need to adopt an honest and open communication strategy for your request to succeed with your sexual partner. Your partner really needs to understand where you are coming from, what you are interested in doing, and how you will respect their boundaries, in order for adult novelties to be a healthy, pleasurable part of your relationship.

So this Valentine’s, visit Intimate Pleasures Desires of the Heart or call us on +234 818 480 8686 and add some spice to your love life.

Iheoma Obibi 

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